From having a 2 year old!  Ethan turns 18 months tomorrow….sigh.  Where the heck does the time go?

He is truly at such a fun age right now.  His laughs and giggles make my heart fill up with so much joy.  His pain is my pain times three.  His smile lights up my world and his cries launch my protective mommy mode into full gear.  His hugs and kisses are all I need to make it through the day and his never ending energy exhausts me….but also energizes me at the same time.  His huge grin after a long day at work is the best medicine for anyone.  His tantrums are frustrating yet hilarious all at the same time.  His need to watch the same Elmo show or read the same book over and over again can drive anyone insane but seeing something through his eyes for the first time would make anyone feel like a kid all over again!

I absolutely love being a mommy to the most wonderful little boy in the universe!  I can’t wait for his second Christmas.  I love you Ethan.

That’s what my life is full of.  Adjustments.  Maybe one day I’ll write a book about my life as a series of adjustments.  I’ll have to come up with a more clever name than that, but nonetheless…it would still make a great book.

I don’t have any new cute pictures to share of my pride and joy as I haven’t been home too much the past few days to actually take any pictures of him.  So, this will be a narrative and I promise after we come back from Florida this blog will be flooded with new pics!

I started my new job on Monday and of course that meant another new adjustment for not only me but also for my son, my husband, my in-laws and my parents.  At my old job I had established a schedule that was pretty nice for everyone.  I would leave the house before Ethan even knew I was gone (thus making it easier on both of us!) and I would get home by 4pm to have plenty of time to spend with him before he went to bed 4 hours later.  It was also nice for Jimm and our parents because their days weren’t too long and I could relieve them before they got completely burned out.

However, this new job is going to be more of a 9-5 job until I establish my client caseload.  Once that’s established I will be working 2-3 evenings a week but won’t have to go into work until noon or 1pm.  Then I can spend all morning with Ethan and Jimm would get the night shift.  But until then…..we have all had to adjust to this new schedule.  And it hasn’t even been normal yet, as I’ve been downtown for training the past three days.  So I’ve taken the train and actually left earlier than I will to go to the office.

I like the company that I work for so far and have enjoyed meeting some of my new co-workers.  Of course none of the people that I’ve met are actually going to be in my office, but I will meet them tomorrow.  The agency has been around for 150 years and has over 550 employees.  It’s the first large Chicago corporation that I’ve worked for, as all of the other agencies have had corporate offices in other states and I worked out of the branch office.  I’m excited about the changes and I’m more excited about what the agency stands for.  They are actively involved in social policy, legal aid, mental health, parenting programs….too many to list!  I will be able to put to use my school work in regards to mental health diagnosing and family therapy.  I will be able to work with clients on a weekly basis and be able to work with them on goals and treatment plans.

It’s exciting but anxiety envoking as well.  Isn’t this what adjustments are all about?  Yes.  The problem is that I’ve experienced so many of these multiple adjustments in the last 1 1/2 years of my life that I feel like I’m on overload.  Let me recap:

May 18, 2007: Diagnosed w/ breast cancer in 8th month of pregnancy with first child

May 20, 2007: Had first baby by being induced with horrible drug called petocin….but experienced the most joy of my entire life by welcoming my pride and joy into the world:  Ethan James Shepard

May 21, 2007: Brought new baby to home with wonderful husband and started experiencing all the joys of parenthood (including sleepless nights and doubts of parenting skills)

June 1, 2007: Surgery to remove cancer from body: successful and has not passed into lymph nodes

June-November, 2007: Go through several rounds of chemotherapy while parenting my first child, trying to be a good wife and returning to work after 12 week maternity leave.  Oh, yes and endure the start of a horrible investigation at work by DCFS (agency investigation, not personal….just wanted to clarify!).

November 2007-January, 2008: Continue receiving weekly treatments while working, parenting and doing wifely/domestic things.

January-February, 2008:  Go through weekly treatments and receive daily radiation treatments while working, parenting and doing wifely/domestic things.

February-July, 2008: Go through weekly treatments while working (oh, still being investigated by DCFS through the end of May…and two of my co-workers were laid off in May), parenting and doing wifely/domestic things.  Get huge scare about mammogram on other breast….everything turns out ok after multiple tests and procedures.

July-September, 2008: Go through weekly treatments while working..not just working but being the acting supervisor while mine was on maternity leave and then find out that my agency is in financial trouble and will be closing all of it’s branch offices..leaving me to handle almost everything while director is obviously still on maternity leave….and parenting, doing wifely/domestic things.

October and part of November, 2008: Become full time stay at home mom while I am unemployed and looking for a new job. Go through more tests and procedures to find out if anything is wrong…so far so good.

November 17, 2008: Start new job and now we are at present day.

Hmmmmm….And I sometimes wonder how in the world I am still sitting here typing this with a smile on my face and a great positive outlook on life!?!?!?  My answer:  God, my son, my husband, my family, my friends, my church and everyone else who has been so completely supportive through all of this.  Let’s hope for some normalcy the next several months, shall we?

So I made my husband help me with the pictures today in the new blog look.  He was thrilled! :-)  Anyway…I’ve been meaning to do this for several months and my friend Jess did it recently on hers as well as some other blogs that I regularly read…so it just gave me motivation!

Hope you like it…but who wouldn’t….look at that cute header!

I went for the breast ultrasound yesterday and spoke directly with the radiologist.  She is certain that she is looking at a benign area, most likely a hematoma that could have been a result from the previous biopsy that I had done in May.  She is recommending that I get a ultrasound biopsy done which basically means they will drain the area with a needle.  Yes, it’s another procedure, but I am pretty grateful that this is all it is.  They will definitely send it to the lab to make certain it is benign obviously but she said because of how it looks she’s confident it’s benign.

So that’s the good news.  The frustrating part of all of this was I had to wait to get into the appointment and then they made me wait even longer to determine if they should even do the ultrasound (after having to wait two weeks to even get an appointment).  Evidently the radiologist had nothing to compare the scans to as my previous scans from May are still at the hospital where I had the biopsy done!  She also didn’t have the CT scan because it was done at a different place as well…..This has happened several times to me and it’s just getting very frustrating and annoying.  The radiologist was great, though, and said that many people were going to get into trouble because of this.  :-)  What is the point of getting all of these tests done if the right people can’t even see what’s been done?  Sigh.

Anyway, thanks again for all of your prayers and support!

My “little boy” doesn’t want to be such a little boy anymore.  He wants to do everything that big people do.  I used to cut up all of his food into bite sized pieces but he would now much rather eat the corn dog on the stick, pick up the entire cookie, eat a whole chicken nugget and most of all…he wants to drink out of a pop can like mommy and daddy.  Seeing as this can be pretty messy I’ve opted to share a little bit of my diet pop with a straw.  He seemed pretty content with this until the other night……

oops….wrong way!

See all my teeth mama?  Please more pop?

Hmmm..what was mama’s answer?

Maybe I’ll go for the camera instead of the pop….

Ethan, this is Uncle Mike.  Who?  Mommy’s Brother.  Who?  Grandpa’s little boy.  Who?  You know, the one who gave you the Elmo guitar for your birthday.  Oh, that guy.  The one with the crazy beard who can never sit still.  Yes, that’s the one.

Uncle Mike came for a visit on Monday.  He hadn’t seen Ethan since his birthday in May.  Now, you may think…oh, he must live far away.  No, he lives in the city.  However, my brother has a crazy work schedule (he’s a chef), a long time girlfriend who lives in Indiana and he’s also in a band.  So, needless to say …getting him to come visit his family is somewhat difficult.  But visit he did on Monday and Ethan had a great time.  Granted, grandma and grandpa were also there and he was in his own environment so he was pretty relaxed, but he also engaged in play with Uncle Mike.

Now we just need to get Uncle Mike to visit more.  Ethan wasn’t quite ready to give him a kiss like he does most family members and close friends (I think it was the beard!), but he did give him a hug. Awww….

I got the job!  So, I can now re-join the ranks of the full time working mother of a toddler.  I will start orientation next week but since we had our Florida vacation already planned my official first day will be December 3rd once we return from vacation.

I am now a therapist for Metropolitan Family Services in their Adoption Preservation Program.  I’m very excited about the job and the best part is my office is in Palos Heights!  It’s a much shorter commute and all of my traveling will be down here in the south suburbs.  I’m taking a pay cut, but with the great benefits and less gas money spent…I think we’ll break about even.

Thanks so much for all of those who have been praying for me.  I truly appreciate your support!

Ethan loves my dad.  He loves mommy, daddy, grandma, grammy and papa but for some reason there’s something really special about his grandpa.  I’m hoping it’s because of his snow white beard, funny noises he makes and the fact that he wears my son out more than Ethan wears his grandpa out.  They play until they both just can’t take it anymore.  I would rather it be for all of those reasons than Ethan having a kindred spirit with my dad.  You see, my dad lives for hunting.  He is a retired cop that has bought land, built a pole barn with a room inside of it so that he can do what he loves most a few weeks out of the year….hunt.  I would rather Ethan not develop a love for guns, hunting and Cabela’s like my dad…but I guess if it happens, it happens.  But I have a feeling that my dad is not going to just see what happens, he’s going to try and control some of it.  The following photos were shot while I was on a girls day out Friday (this is what happens when you leave your son alone with a hunter):

See, Ethan this is a bear.  Now, it may look nice and furry, but he is not your friend.  We shoot ‘em and stuff ‘em.  *not really…my dad only shoots deer.

Let’s see….what can I show him next?  There’s just so much…

Just look at all those animals you can hunt, Ethan.  Don’t listen to your mama…there are plenty out there and they won’t go extinct.

Two levels of heaven, grandson.  Ahhhh….

This is scary…my son is already eminating my dad’s spirit by sitting in a pint sized “easy chair”.  What am I getting into?

And what 17 month old doesn’t need a nice pair of camo PJ’s?  Just in case we can’t find him when it’s bed time, I guess?

Sigh.  Ethan loves his grandpa….

Beware: The following post is about my personal thoughts on our new President and also about being a Christian democrat (wait, what? you say….a Christian can be a democrat? Why yes, we can….yes, we can).  Should you wish to bypass this post and not read it, I will not be offended.   Warning: I am pro-Obama!

So, I have been pretty much avoiding posting about this and also about discussing the election unless I know that the person I am discussing it with is not going to flip out when they hear my views.  But everyone else seems to be voicing their opinions on their blogs, and I hope you keep in mind that this is my blog, my opinions and my views.  I am not trying to convince anyone of anything here, I am just posting.

In 1992 when Bill Clinton was elected my friends and I decided to wear black around Olivet’s campus because we were “mourning” the fact that he was our new president.  I was a sophomore in college, attending a very conservative school and was still highly under the influence of my parents and family in regards to belief systems.  Not that anything is wrong with that.  My parents read this blog, and I love them to death.  I am grateful for the way that they raised me and it has made me into the strong, loving, God-fearing woman that I am today.  However, I had not developed my own line of thinking yet when it came to politics.

Over the years I decided that my “mission” and field of work was going to be social work.  I believed wholeheartedly that this was the direction God was taking my life and that I didn’t have to go to the foreign land of Africa, Russia or China to be a “missionary”.  Again, not that anything is wrong with that and I have in fact been to several countries in my line of work.  However, I felt that God was telling me to work with those children and families here in the United States who were just as unfortunate and who had experienced much trauma in their lives.  It has been the best and most rewarding experience!  And as most of you know, I have also been able to work in international adoptions, so in fact I have expanded my mission field to some of the aforementioned countries!

During the last 12 years, my views regarding several issues have slowly changed.  And when I say they have slowly changed I mean that I have taken the time to seriously think about, read about and review major issues that usually drive the democratic and republican parties.  I used to think that the only issues I needed to know about or care about were whether a candidate was pro-life and anti homosexual marriage.  Wrong.  I am pro-life don’t get me wrong.  BUT I do not think that this is the only issue that should drive an election or the only reason that you should vote a specific way.  On the flip side of this, I am also anti-death penalty.  Before you pull out your Bible and start emailing me verses about this, I know what the Bible says.  I am very much aware of it.  However, personally I would never be able to be on a jury and “vote” to kill someone.  I just couldn’t do it no matter what their crime.  This is more a personal view than anything else.  And yes, I have thought about the scenario of someone killing one of my family members and what would I feel then?  Again, I don’t see how killing someone else is going to make me feel any better or make my loss any easier.  I would hope that I might find it in myself to one day forgive that person just as God has done so for us over and over and over again.

As a social worker I have seen, heard and witnessed some awful things in regards to what the human race can do to one another.  I am a believer in helping those who don’t have the means or the ability to help themselves.  And most of the time in this area my views are aligned more with the Democractic party than the Republican party.  It just happens that way.  Now, you might say that my views would be different if I made over $250,000 per year and my taxes were going to go way up.  Maybe.  I don’t know.   And I NEVER will.  I am a SOCIAL WORKER who makes less than $50,000 per year and is currently unemployed.  My family is one of those families who needs the help of those who make a ton of money per year.  I am benefiting from that right now.  I am currently collecting unemployment and if I weren’t we wouldn’t be able to pay our bills.  I have a 17 month old child at home who is my first priority.  We wouldn’t be able to take care of him if we weren’t taking advantage of the government’s system to help those who don’t have jobs.

Even if I were currently employed, I still believe that the government has a duty and obligation to help their citizens.  Do I get annoyed that much of my gross income is taken away from me?  Yes. Especially when I make what I do.  But if it’s going to help our economy and also help those who are less fortunate than me, I’m fine with that.  Yes, I get upset about where the tax dollars go …..and even more upset when I hear about government employees becoming corrupt and committing illegal acts.  But there will always be people who are immoral and corrupt.  It’s a fact of life.

Anyway, with all this said I finally felt good about my vote for President.  When I look at Barack Obama I see the future and the change that our country needs.  When I looked at John McCain I just saw an older version of Bush, the present, past and stagnacy (if that’s a word…if not I just made it up!).  For once in my life I am excited about our new President and what this means for America.  This historic event of electing our first African American president will always be remembered.  For some, it’s not a good memory.  For me, it’s extraordinary.  We have come such a long way in this country and I am very proud to be an American today and proud of our new President.  Congrats!

I just wanted to let everyone know that my interview went well yesterday and they said that they would be making a decision soon.  If this is where God wants me, I’ll get the call.  I feel good about this job and I think it would be a good fit, but again….if it’s not supposed to work out, then it won’t.  Your prayers are appreciated!